The Great Firewall and Projects on the Backburner

In the words of George, Prince of Whales in Blackadder III, "Ah, school, school..."

We're three weeks into the semester and I'm already completely drained. Three years into being an elementary school teacher, I finally feel fit to do well, like I really know what I can and should be doing, but no matter how much I put into it, it never feels like it's enough. I spend hours on weekends scouring the internet and my own book collection for creative, stimulating supplementary material, and still the weeks churn by, and the tests keep coming, and I'm out of breath.

So, updates.

I haven't been on here in a while due to China. China, it seems, hates technology. Earlier this year during the Xinjiang uprising, China decided it was best to ban all social networking sites, quickly rebutting with several press statements to the effect of "China isn't afraid of the internet." This has led the several thousand expats virtually (pun! har!) stranded as pictures, blogs, and video are nearly impossible to get out of the country via anything but email.

But there are ways around it. I've recently set up Witopia., a VPN that works via what I can only assume is magic, on my home computer. Apparently it does some internet voodoo with words like "routing" and "encryption," and ta-da! I'm able to tweet.

So I'm back-ish. Like I said, I'm insanely busy this year, and I'm just getting over a knock-out head cold that set me back over the weekend. I do, however, in an awesome and fortuitous turn of events, have some pretty amazing creative projects hovering in the background of my professional life, if I can just get the energy and time to work on them. For example:

1. Da Ren and the Brothers Cong

This is my fabulous children's book idea that I plan on developing and then marketing to Disney in several years. The main character is Da Ren, an old wise man that goes around helping people. The cleverness of the concept is in the illustration--Da Ren is shaped like the Chinese character "da," for "big," and as such, Da Ren is an enormous fellow. In his first adventure, he helps out the Brothers Cong ("Cong" meaning "follow"), a pair of brothers who cannot do anything independantly of each other. Eventually, though some wisdom and a long walk, Da Ren teaches them how to be their own person. (The character "cong" is made up of two "ren" characters, "ren" meaning "person.") Clever, huh? And the illustrations are even better. The major plan is to develop the character well enough that Disney will, in the footsteps of Dora the Explorer and Ni Hao, Kai Lan, buy it from me and turn it into a multicultural learning/money sucking machine.

2. The Starving Artists

Jesse and I are trying to write a screenplay in between long boughts of being really flakey about it. Still, the premise is fun, and we have a great time writing it. Basically the movie is about a man who rigs an art contest to gain an inheritance from his father, with some hilarious jokes and a wonderful, wonderful painting thrown into the mix. I really hope we can get around to actually making this happen, but truth be told, we're both fairly pressed for time as far as the present is concerned. So far we've mapped out the scenes in the first act, but no actual writing has been done for the hard copy screenplay yet. More details to follow, you know, when they come up.

3. Various cartoony things

So as you can see at the top of my blog, I've been learning how to make cartoons with Photoshop. This is a grand hobby and hugely fun for me to do, and as it turns out, people like my stuff. I've been contacted to make lots of different t-shirts as well as promotional posters for my friends, and I'm the official Rainbow Danger Club resident artist (Rainbow Danger Club being my boyfriend's SWEET ass band). So yeah, nothing huge, but I'm having a great time and getting a bit of recognition for my work from the people I love most, and that's what count, right?

Anyway, I'm off to spend the precious little time I have left this weekend doing what I love most of all--having a very difficult time completing very easy crossword puzzles. But regardless of my ability to know English words, things are looking up in the creativity department.

La Selva

Wow, what a couple of weeks.

Basically, the last two weekends have involved me partying my balls of with my brother and a small group of two close friends. Last Friday night, Tristan threw a going away party for our friend who is going to be a Vista volunteer in Maine. Halfway through the night, he got punched in the face by a girl.

Here's what went down: I got Tristan a pair of Groucho Marx glasses that has a turn-y thing on the nose and when you wind it up, the eyebrows and mustache go up and down creepily. So anyway, there was this girl at the party who was trying to fuck everyone, and she was flirting with people while wearing the glasses. Tristan said, "Be careful with those glasses." To which she replied, "What, these glasses?" *SNAP.* That snap was the sound that was made as Bitch broke the glasses while looking at Tristan, like some bully would do in High School Musical. To this, my brother said to Bitch, "You're a stupid bitch." Apparently this went on for a couple of minutes until, finally, Bitch hauls off on my brother four or five times before he put her in a very calming, humane headlock for a moment and sends her on her way. He spent the rest of the night and most of the following day absolutely ecstatic that he threw a party in which he got punched in the face by a girl.

So now I'm in Costa Rica. I met up with my boyfriend yesterday in San Jose, and we took an 8-hour bus down to our jungle cottage this morning. By "cottage," I mean "palace." Apparently, dad spent the entirety of this past year adding shit onto the house, and now we have a second bathroom, an upstairs office with a 50" plasma television, and wireless internet. Meanwhile, China's blocked the fuck out of any social networking sites. I'm sad that I'm going to be less connected to my cyber community back in Shanghai than I am here in the fucking jungle.

So I recently made my biggest adult purchase to date, which was a 30 GB iPod touch, a Gateway netbook, and a Bamboo Wacum tablet, all of which have changed my life, probably for the worse (but definitely the more pleasurable). Things I am currently into because the robots allow me to be:

• Twitter. I held out because it seems to be destroying the integrity of internet publishing (har), but turns out, it's addictive. I especially like it because it requires next to no commitment. (If you want to follow me, my name's moplumsy on there too.)
• The iPod touch. I know I mentioned this above, but have you guys seen this thing? It's pretty much the goddamned future. Seriously, I've got two Chinese dictionaries, a Spanish translator, the entire first season of The State, and a game called Globall that shows me where every other person playing Globall is in the world. Shit could probably do my laundry if I downloaded the right app.
  
• "Stuff You Should Know" podcast by howstuffworks.com.
• StumbleUpon

I'm so ronery...

Sorry for the lack of updates recently...China has blocked blogspot and it's nearly impossible to get to these days.

Anyway, I'm back in the States, thus the writing. I've been here since July 2nd, and I've gotta say, I'm in a horrible rut. Unlike last year, I truly feel out of place in America now. My friends are back in Shanghai or traveling this summer. My brother's really busy (though in a totally awesome way...not only is the kid working and going to school, but he's getting his goddamned pilot's license and has flown solo several times so far). I have people to visit in NYC and Boston, but not here in WV. It doesn't feel like home anymore. I'm lonely. Ick.

July 4th was special, though. The brother, three friends and I went up onto a secret rooftop fire escape to watch the fireworks over the Mon. River. It was lovely, and then we went to 123 for the Mayday! party with Big Ass Manatee and brought the club down. And did I mention the ribs for dinner? All in all, a good, old-fashioned WV July 4th.

And to sum up my schedule in a sort of nebulous manner, summer looks like this, in order: Williamsburg, VA with Mom and David, NYC/Boston, Costa Rica with Ming :-), DC for a few days (Brit? Alisa?), then back to Shanghai.

Oh, yes, and I'm also getting into some awesome Photoshop art and I'm developing a children's book with a REALLY good hook. But more on that later--I'ma go sulk and feel restless for a while.

Journey to Hong Kong

Last week was our Labor Day four-day long weekend break. A certain friend and I decided that since it was his birthday, and since we'd been extended the invitation by recently-made mutual friends (his friends from college--new friends to me), and since it was, in fact, the longest break we get this semester, we should take the opportunity as it presented itself to head off to the exotic land of Hong Kong.

The journey began with a 20-hour overnight train from Shanghai to Kowloon Station. We got soft-sleeper tickets, and both happened to be on the top bunks. At first sight, I was certain that we'd both be sleeping in the hallway due to a sad physical inability to actually get up on the beds, but it turned out that flip-out foot placements in the walls in combination with a variety of strategically placed bars made the climb relatively easy for spry young people such as us (or is it "such as we"?). We got settled in our room quite nicely; our roommates were a young woman from Hong Kong who spoke no English and an old man who spoke relatively great English for someone I assumed was from the mainland (I forget where he was from). At around 5:00 P.M. on the 30th, we were off.

Accommodations (the top bunk...)

Happy birthday!!!

The train was simply fabulous, and I couldn't stop babbling about how much I was enjoying myself...I've always enjoyed travel by train and boat, and this was my first time on a sleeper. I brought a bottle of wine for the birthday celebration, and we enjoyed it in the dining car with an older couple from Liverpool who were traveling around Asia for 30 days. The food was simple Chinese fare--your basic tofu, Kung Pao chicken, sweet and sour pork, etc--and definitely not bad for a travelling kitchen. We spent a lot of time talking and playing cards and reading. The next day on the train wasn't much different...breakfast in the dining car (fried eggs, bread, jam, and instant coffee), and a lot of reading, chatting, and looking out the window.

We arrived in Kowloon at 1:00 the next afternoon and were met by our friend Will, who we were staying with. After dropping things off at his house, downing some noodles and grabbing a pineapple-barbeque roll at the local bakery, we headed off to hang out around the Midlevels escalator area and the Peak.

Protest for migrant workers' rights in downtown HK

Downtown skyscrapers

The Midlevels escalator is kind of the awesomest thing ever--a seemingly neverending series of escalators up the side of a mountain in downtown Hong Kong. The escalators are surrounded by lots of cool little shops and restaurants, and Ming and I eventually headed back a couple of days later to check out some used bookstores, which DO NOT exist in Shanghai. After reaching the top of the escalators, we continued up the mountain in search of the Peak, the highest point (I think) and supposedly best view that HK has to offer.

Views from the Peak

Our strategy for finding the Peak was to walk up the mountain, but after running into signs that said things like "The Peak -->" and "<--The Peak" right next to each other, we decided to taxi it for most of the rest of the way. The path at the top of the mountain was a beautiful reprieve from the concrete onslaught that is existing in Asia--HK incorporates nature into its cityscape pretty harmoniously. It was moderately crowded but still quiet and jungley at the top, and we rounded the mountaintop and took in the fresh air and some great views. After a long wait for the tram back down the mountain, we went to Nathan Road for dinner.

Now, at this point it's important to know that when in Asia, one is constantly harassed by men and women trying to sell stuff, beg, scam, give pamphlets for who-knows-what, and peddle fake versions of anything made by human hand. Nathan Road was no different, and being in walking-in-city mode, I naturally kept my focus forward and ignored the continual bombardment offers. By chance, Ming stopped by one of the men who was advertising a restaurant and took a pamphlet--surprisingly, it looked pretty awesome, and we decided to go.

The restaurant advertised was an Indian/Pakistani/Arabic restaurant. We were lead by a bearded man into a shady looking hallway with advertisements for strip clubs all over the walls. He then took us into an elevator that resembled a steel-reinforced cell at Camp X-Ray, and another questionably shady individual entered the elevator and began talking with our escort in hushed voices about "where'd you get that horrible scary big fucking scar on your face." It was at this point I was certain that the three of us were going to be brutally murdered. Turns out, the restaurant was quite pleasant, and the food was absolutely delicious. (Though I suppose that nothing whets the appetite quite like being presented with a delicious and satisfying meal only moments after expecting to be sold into a southeast Asian prostitution ring.) We then headed over to a bar called Carnegies, which just happened to be across the street from the hotel where people were quarantined for 7 days because of a possible M1N1 outbreak. We just roll that hard (actually, by the end of the night I was absolutely exhausted and practically dragging everyone back home).

Saturday morning, we got up early to get out to Lantau Island to see what we first were told was "the world's largest Buddha." At some point later, we read it was actually "the world's largest sitting Buddha," which eventually was changed to "the world's largest outdoor sitting Buddha," and then finally summed up as "the world's largest outdoor sitting bronze Buddha." It was only about an hour into the line that someone mentioned that May 2nd happens to be Buddha's frigging birthday, and that it was likely that every person in Asia was headed where we were. Oops.

Spot the error.

Enormous effing Buddha on a crowded mountain

So the wait was long (decent though--2 hours when we were expecting 4 so all in all, not bad), the tram ride was terrifying (only to me) and beautiful, and the Buddha mountain village was a tourism clusterfuck. Seeing this thing up close, however, was totally worth it. It was ENORMOUS. We hung out for about 30 minutes or so, then bopped off back down the mountain for a quick change at Will's house and then a bus ride to a beach barbeque with Sarah and company at Deepwater Bay.

A Deepwater Bay picture I stole from Ming's camera

Apparently, beach barbeques are a very Hong Kong thing to do. After playing on the beach for a bit while people stoked the fire, we went over to our barbeque pit. The barbequing situation consisted of a large cement area with about 30 or so barbeque pits, each surrounded by four concrete benches. Every single one was occupied. People apparently go out early in the afternoon and spend all day roasting various meats, drinking, and having an overall great day in the sunshine. The whole experience, framed by the beautiful backdrop of the islands and the bay, was a relaxing throwback to summer barbeques in WV or Costa Rica and was the highlight of the trip, at least for me. We left around midnight, and heard the next day that about an hour after we left, the police were called in to stop a brawl in which 20 drunken Hong Kongers started battling with bbq skewers and beer bottles.

S'MORES

Our final full day was spent shopping, which was mostly uneventful...shopping in HK is pretty much exactly like shopping in Shanghai, though I DID find a hot dog stand! (No hot dogs on the mainland...what a pity.) The day ended with a final trip up the escalators for dinner at a great Malaysian mom-and-pop establishment and then a fast jaunt over to the entertainment district (I totally forget what this was called), where we went to a Russian bar with a special room set at like zero degrees Fahrenheit. They give you faux-mink jackets and you stand around sipping vodka in the freezing cold. It's fun for a minute or two, but quickly loses its novelty.

It was really cold.

On the final morning we bid Will adieu and headed out to what we expected to be a leisurely Western breakfast and the airport. Unfortunately, we left 30 minutes too late, got lost and ripped off by a taxi driver who charged us an extra 10 HKD for putting a bag in the trunk for 2 minutes, and couldn't find the restaurant. We settled for an impromptu 7-11-style fast food breakfast on the side of the road instead before catching the Airport Express train and heading for home.

All in all, and despite the rush of the last morning, it was a fantastic time and a great way to spend a much-needed vacation!

Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

We're learning about riddle poems in my 5th grade honors English class. Here are some of the submissions I received yesterday. Answers (lest you need them) are at the bottom of the post.

1. I am famous and I am bright.
I am hottest at blue and coldest at red.
Always there to be,
Though not in your eyes.
I can be seen through a river,
a telescope, or a mirror.
-Ruixuan

2. I am wrapped inside boxes,
which people give others.
Yesterday is rubbish to me
because I only care about "now."
Though I have two meanings,
I am still one word.
If you know me,
You are very wise.
-Leonard

3. I am hardened rain and crystallized tears.
On Antarctica, I've existed for years.
Hard as glass, soft as silk,
I taste great with sugar and milk.
You can see me as transparent,
You can see me white.
You can't see me when I fly,
but you could when I'm dry.
-Miranda

4. My brother was home plate.
The military thinks I'm useful.
People whisper that I'm off limits.
The letters I'm created of are as be.
Scramble through the first of me
and you get closer to gaining a point.
What am I?
-Andrew

5. Sometimes I'm tall,
Sometimes slight,
But never do I have might.
I loom to sight (?) in bright light,
But vanish in the dark black night.

My owner loves me dearly,
Since I'm by her every hour.
But often she's still lonely,
Not knowing where I am.

You see I'm not a person
Who talks and eats with her.
She can touch but yet not feel me,
So what on Earth can I be?
-Julia

Oooo! Answers:
1. star
2. present
3. ice
4. base
5. a shadow

I love my kids!

A Visit to the Glasses Market

I've always needed glasses for reading. Scratch that...I've always liked glasses for reading. I have a teensy astigmatism and it will randomly cause headaches if I read without glasses, but only sometimes. Many times I can go without, but I've found that over the last 6 months or so, I always need my glasses to read.

Another mildly associated but uninteresting story: I bite my nails, or rather, I bit my nails before coming to Shanghai and realizing that there very feasibly could be particles of human feces and loogies and snot rockets all over my hands at any given moment. So I used to do my own acrylic French manicures back in the States. I was good at it, but it required the use of nail glue, which is essentially superglue.

So one day I found that my glasses and my nail glue in my purse had found each other and made out, and that there was a thin film of scratched and immovable dried glue over the left lens. Being poor and being in the US where prescription specs cost a good hundred bucks or more, I dealt with it. For two years or so I read with my one and only pair of horribly scratched, dreadfully cloudy glasses.

Fast forward to this weekend--Shanghai is known for its vast shopping opportunities, and there is a specific market for nearly everything if you look hard enough. If you need clothes, head to the fabric market for custom-made tailored items. If you'd like some fake Chanel bags (but made with real leather), they're a subway stop away at the fake market. If you find yourself in need of your own personal copy of the Mona Lisa, go to the art market. Beautiful pearls for a fraction of the cost of the same items in the West can be found at the pearl market. And crickets...well, you get the idea.

Now I always knew there was a glasses market, but as I'm not the adventurous sort I never made the time to bop over there. That changed this weekend. During a day of shopping my depression away with Chelsea, I figured I needed to end the torture of reading with stupid, broken lenses once and for all.

Off of Shanghai Railway Station stop at the cross of lines 3 and 4 is a little alley, and underneath this alley is an enormous eyeglass supermall filled to the brim with eyeglass frames and custom lenses, all available at personally-bargained prices.

Crowded on Saturday.

The wares.

I settled on a pair of black and a pair of rosey mauve frames, and gave the kind fellow working the booth my old pair of glasses. He then put them into a machine that, while in concept seems like it would be from the future, looks like it was made in about 1985:

Ghetto, yet accurate, prescription reader.

Within a minute, the man handed me back my old glasses and a small slip of paper with my exact prescription written on it. He took Chelsea's stuff and did the same. Then off the man went to work:

Now, to backtrack, we had been told by our friend Dennis who had gone the previous week that the whole glasses-making process took about 20 minutes for him. Not so for us. We spent a good deal of time wandering around, checking out other merchandise, and randomly finding other things to take pictures of, like this:

These glasses bend over.

The red ones I really thought were cool AFTER I had bought my other two pairs.

I fell in love with these things. Chelsea, not so much:

Anyway, two hours and 250 kuai (around 40USD) later, I had two brand-new prescription pairs of beautiful glasses (no pictures--don't have any--sorry) and a nagging feeling that I kind of wish my eyesight was worse so I could go back and get more. Sometimes it REALLY pays to live in Shanghai.

My Humble Home

Since I'm finding myself faced with more free time (though right now I'm hardly free--I'm in the middle of my geography 5 class and am punishing them for being loud by having them read quietly), I'm now finding it easier to blog about my life here in Zhongguo.

I know that some of my friends back in the US have been interested in my living situation...no time like the present, eh?

The Living Room/Kitchen

Here's the view, more or less, from the door. My coffee table and uncomfortable love seat. The lamp is standing on a table in the corner, and extends over the center of the room.

Some art and stuff across from the loveseat.

The kitchen. Do you see my kettle? That's the only place I can cook.

View from the kitchen, looking back at the door.

The Bedroom/Home gym/Entertainment Center/Vanity

The view as you walk into the bedroom.


Where the magic happens, obviously. Sorry it's messy. Check out the home gym. Also, computer station.

My tv right at the foot of my bed and my vanity over by the window.

The Bathroom/Pony Shower

Girlie sink things.

Look at how friggin enormous that thing is! Sorry about the mess...it was laundry day.