I'm thinking of staying in China. I have three days to decide.
I've been having waves of panic about this for about seven hours, but I talked to my boss and it's possible. Let me just try and articulate what I'm panicking about.
I have nothing to go home to in the states. Yes, I miss family and friends. A lot. A bunch of my friends are getting married in the fall and I wouldn't be able to go to their weddings. My baby brother and sister will be growing up without me and it's heartbreaking. Speaking of which, I'll be separated from my bff and brother Tristan and good friend and once-future roommate, Donk. But as far as employment is concerned? Nothing. And what about relationships? Ha. Meanwhile, I've set up an adult life for myself here. The opportunities in Shanghai are TRULY endless and overwhelming, and I. am. panicking. about giving that up.
The pros of staying vastly outweigh both the cons of it and the pros of going home. And I want to go home. I do. But objectively, it isn't the best thing for me, and thus far, nobody's arguing with that. I either go home and waste a year bartending or telemarketing in a town that I may have, at this point, outgrown, or stay at my high-paying, stress-free job and work on my personal development as an adult. I have a great job right now. I have a free apartment right now. Going home would be fabulous, but a rather bad decision in the end. I need to start thinking about things in terms of what's best rather than what I want the most. And it would be one thing if I were constantly unhappy here, but you know what? I'm not. My life is awesome. Maybe I should chase that feeling instead of chasing things half a world away.
Gawwwwwhhhh.......I feel nauseous. This "growing up" thing's a really sonofabitch, no?